If I did have a time machine, I would love to go back….
Very few people are lucky not to have had a a person pound you down at some point of time in their lives. I wasn't one of them.
Ever since Sr. kg. there was a girl, Sita, in my all girls convent school who did not like me. I wouldn't have called myself a popular person but I wasn't someone who would be overlooked either. I was notorious and at the same time not bad at academics- a combination too difficult for the Nuns to manage.
Sita was a popular student. A teacher's pet as well as a pack leader of maybe 12-15 girls she had as a devoted following. And her favourite person to pick on was me.
Everyday before school assembly and during the breaks, she and her group of girls would go out of their way to torment me. She would ensure that she became very friendly with anyone whom I would enjoy conversing with and pull them into her circle. And everyone went. I don't blame them. Who wouldn't want to hang out with the popular crowd?
Her favourite method of teasing was ensuring I was ostracized. All the games she made up involved keeping a secret from me, running away from me in the break, not talking to me in class, and along those lines. The teachers just turned a blind eye to it all and never once stopped them. I in turn hated going to school but I never let them see it.
Instead, I used the school library card and got novels by Enid Blyton, and the Nancy Drew series mainly to read in the snack break and at home. As I immersed myself further into the books written, I could relate to the characters. Be it a fat-ish teen detective who doesn't mind his weight issues and instead lets his mind shine thru; or a spunky girl who solves mystries; or a shy boy who learns to find his way in the world; or a tomboy who did well in life inspite of not wearing a dress or doing up her hair for hours everyday. I realised I can come out at the top of it all.
Year after year i just moved on in life. We shifted houses and I had to change schools in grade 8. And that's when I realised school life isn't all that bad. I had friends. Like any school, there were social cliques and general teasing but no one was picked on year after year.
Years later, when our batch turned 30, my old school had a reunion and started a school WhatsApp group. One of the girls added me to it. I was mainly silent on the group but I gathered Sita was married and working at her father's business while her husband has his own business. She had also just delivered a baby boy. About 2 months after being added to the group, I saw one morning that I had been removed. By Sita. I realised how petty the whole thing was. She obviously at some point hadn't moved on and still wanted to shun me. I on the other hand had a wonderful life thus far- studied beyond a masters degree, got a job, got married and started my own family.
If I did have a time machine, I would love to go back to the 8 year old me running down the long school corridors chasing a whole bunch of girls and tell her to thank Sita when she finally catches up.
Sita inadvertently played a role in shaping me today for what I am. A confident woman who doesn't feel the need to be with the 'in' crowd and can think and speak her mind when required, even if it goes against the tide. And the most important thing Sita taught me- I am my best friend! I can spend hours by myself walking around aimlessly or go to a restaurant or a movie without feeling awkward about not having any company.
Every stage in life has its challenges. The faster you embrace it and work on a solution instead of avoiding it or feeling sorry for youself, you will sleep better at night. You do require friends to help pull you back up when you are down, but you also realise you need a handful of good friends whom you can call even at midnight, instead of a large number of fair weather friends.